Tuesday, 21 August 2018

Kenzi

It was a freezing cold day in the middle of February in 2008 and we sat in the parking lot while our car wouldn’t start. This happened sometimes on really really cold days. Why I remember this particular time is because on my lap sat a puppy.  A 5 month old Westie from Petland. That we had just bought on a whim moments before. I mean it was on sale! How could we resist?! We were completely un-researched and 100% unprepared.



As mentioned Kenzi was bought on sale and it often happened while out on a walk that we would run into other Westie owners. Who we quickly learned were very proud of their chosen breed of dog. They would proudly  bring up the fact their westie was chosen from a select breeder in some other Canadian city (this happened more than once) and ask us where ours was from. We’d tell them and try not to burst out laughing about how we bought her knowing nothing and onsale to boot.

Kids loved Kenzi. She was cute and scruffy. Kenzi could care less. She was growly and set in her ways from the start. She loved what she loved: her owners, her human grandparents and to hunt-rabbits, squirrels etc. But I think she loved the latter more. She’d take off like a rocket after one and we’d be left yelling her name throughout the neighbourhood like a bunch of A-holes. We started to think she did it on purpose just to embarrass us.

Kenzi was so stubborn. She would only listen when she knew she had no other options. I can’t see you she’d think…meanwhile we could see her. Insert the yelling.

Kenzi lived for adventures. If we couldn’t take her on one she’d take herself. She’d be found or return to us covered in burs, filthy, smelling of dead disgusting things and one time human poop or something so horribly horrific. She was often sheepish but I truly think she weighed the pros and cons and always deemed the adventure worth it.

Her sense of adventure took her out of our van at a coffee stop in Selkirk one time when we were enroute to Winnipeg Beach. We didn’t notice until we got to Winnipeg Beach, parked, walked to the pier and asked each other who had the dog? It was then we realized she must’ve got out of the car when we stopped. So like any good dog owner would do we had dinner first and then went to find her. We got back to Selkirk and followed her trail…”have you seen a little white dog?” we asked some kids sitting outside. 'Yes! About a half hour ago she was by that church'. OK. We head to the church where some kids are hanging out, we ask the same question…'Yes! About 20 minutes ago she crossed the highway and headed that way'. We followed a few more leads and eventually found her, hunkered down in the corner of a parking lot.

Her fear of loud noises took her darting out of the yard one new years eve in Pinawa after we shot off some fireworks. It was about -40. After hunting in groups for as long as we could stand it in the cold we gave up for the night. The next morning Erich left the house with a garbage bag and a leash…unsure of which one he’d need. Kenzi made her way through town the night before to the Wilderness Edge…a retreat center. The only possible place open. And spent the night with a guy named Frank.

Kenzi has turned up on Facebook pages asking if anyone knows who she belongs to. She’s chased down deer and been kicked in the head by one (once they realized that if they didn’t move she wouldn’t actually know what to do). She’s turned up at our own front door and I hadn’t even known she was gone (I’d had lots of kids by this point and was probably tired or something).

After each excursion we’d ask her how many lives she had left?

She loved to watch animals on tv. She sat between Erich and I and intently watched all of Marley and Me. She often couldn’t control herself and would run towards the tv and she’d often run around the corner trying to find the dogs or cats if they ran off the screen. 

We’d take her somewhere, tie her up and 6 seconds later she’d be so tangled around every possible thing in sight that she’d be completely immobile.

Kenzie was so growly with kids and unfriendly with almost everyone and yet Elliot adored her. And kenzi grew to trust and love Elliot too.

Last snuggles together

Kenzi has been a huge help to me since having kids. Not once have I had to pick up a morsel of food from the floor. Not once. I think this was more of a selfish endeavour on Kenzi’s part rather than a mutual partnership but non-the less I appreciated it.  That is up until last week when she became too sick to eat. 2 weeks ago we discovered she had liver cancer after noticing her slowing down and not acting like her usual self about two weeks prior to that. Westies can live upwards of 17years. I thought we were in this for a lot longer. My heart's not ready to not have a dog around.

When a dog stops eating the food that falls and lays there while a squirrel runs by you know she’s not feeling well. Her days of adventuring are done and yesterday we said good-bye. And I miss her.

If you’ve lost a pet you know how weirdly quiet the house feels.

If you’ve lost a pet who cleaned your floors while simultaneously parenting a two year old who throws his food on the floor then you’re really feeling me right now.

If all dogs really do go to heaven then I’m sure Kenzi will be on some grand adventure and won’t come to us until we’ve called her name so many times that we’re thoroughly humiliated (and in heaven no less!). She’d have it no other way.

Kenzi on her last lake adventure











Monday, 30 July 2018

Good-bye my Loooove!

You should go off of Instagram I tell myself almost daily. No no, I argue it’s fine. Plus, I keep doing that. People will think I have a problem and that I can’t handle my social media self. But it’s true, you can’t I argue back. *Self proceeds to scroll through random strangers crap, memes etc for far too long then closes IG saying ‘wasting your life girl’ or something cool and sad like that.

When I’m finally willing to listen to myself I realize I’m right.

Here’s the general state of affairs I find myself in these days: kinda low, kinda anxious, unsure of what brings me joy anymore, reading all of a paragraph or a page from a book/day making it impossible to get through any book, kinda bored, kinda feeling like it’s time for a shift. Now I’m not blaming instagram or social media at all here, but rather I’ve been using them as a form of escape for far too long.

I have 3 small kids. I am in 'a stage of life' if you will that can lend itself to the previously mentioned state of affairs I can find myself in. And lets be honest I need treats and good things to keep me going and I’m a huge believer and advocator of both. But what’s a treat and what’s an escape? I’m not delving into the idea that wine is an escape just yet-one thing at a time, one thing at a time. But sometimes you just know that in order to make room for new things…even just new or different mental space something has got to give.

In this case it’s the thing that has been occupying too many hours of my day-my darned addiction to social media (instagram to be specific...fb doesn't do it for me anymore...but if she too starts acting up, she gone). IG is just not bringing the joy. It’s not bringing the life. It’s sucking both from me right now.

It’s summer. The hubby is finally off work and the fam gets to be together a lot more. Plus, I’d like to go into the fall with some fresh vision-largely as a result of giving myself some room to see what’s in front of me and around me again.

Yet, I can still feel silly about it. It’s just instagram afterall. But this crap is addicting! And that’s science.

Here's to putting it 'out there' (hello accountability!) and here's to new things. Writing more? Reading more? Who knows. Trusting something more will come.

So maybe I’ll see you again IG, that is, if I can figure out how to form a boundary or two. And have a good rest of your summer ‘friends’. I hope I don’t miss out on too many really cool things. Text me, k?? Oh you don’t have my number? Cause you have no idea who I am. K…cool, byeeee.

A cool pic of a sunrise shared in an Instagram story awhile back.