I feel like I'm taking Crazy Pills!

One of my favourite things to do on a winter or rainy day is take the kids to chapters, grab a coffee and let them play at the train table and look around at the kids stuff. And maybe if i'm lucky I can check out a few books myself. It's been awhile since I've done that, it's a snowy day here today and there's something I wanted to buy. Perfect. Off we went.

I currently have a 3rd child in tow-same age as Elliot-for a few months this winter. The girls play just as well as they fight and today they had already lost an afternoon Christmas movie privilege. However, I wanted to watch said Christmas movie (Muppets Christmas Carol-SO good!) so I gave them a second chance. We were all smiles and all clear on the expectations as we left the van.

Just before we left I found $3-the exact amount for a tall americano. Yes! With coffee in hand we head downstairs to the train table. What happened next is a miserable, time stand still blur. A true picture of the horrors of parenting. (Disclaimer: this came as no surprise as we have been dealing with 'threenager' like attitude and behaviour for sometime-just not to this magnitude in public...to prove my point this morning she yelled that she was not 3, but 15!)

It started with a spat over a train...this allowing for the bad attitude to settle in nicely. Next we are shoving our brothers train off the track to get by. I believe 2 minutes has past since arriving. By the time we've yelled and shoved our brother out of the way for the second time, we're done. I have removed her from the train table. I also still need to purchase something (and I came across the city in a snowstorm a week before Christmas so I am not going back, plus I need this item). So leaving the store immediately with 3 kids just wasn't happening. In the stroller she goes, screaming and crying all the while. My phone rings, I step aside and answer. Next thing I know Elliot's tipped the stroller, banged her head on the floor and spilled the contents of the stroller all over the floor.

Sometimes God sends you the right people in the midst of the crazy. A very kind woman picked up my things and my stroller so I could pick up Elliot. She proceeded to tell me I'm a good mom and I'm doing the right thing. Words I so rarely hear as a mom. Words I have felt desperate to hear lately, in the midst of really hard parenting. It made me tear up-but I still had a situation on my hands and something I HAD to buy.

Elliot is strapped in now (still screaming) and no one knows where this bloody item is! There's 4 in store (I made sure to check before leaving). I think 10-15 very long minutes pass while we traipse around the store (screaming) trying to find this item. Item found, proceed to checkout to pay. Where my two year old (tomorrow) son will not pick himself off the floor. He's screaming now too because why the heck not. And I couldn't pick him up and carry him because the stress and the crazy and the things and the screaming!

I am a desperate woman. My kids have been waking up so early. This morning it was in the 5's. So I was resolved and determined to go and buy one of those clocks that change colour when it's time to wake up. Maybe they'll sleep longer? Then maybe we won't be a bunch of crazies in public? Just Maybe?

Not from today, but a depiction of the attitude:). Elliot saying "Uggghhhh!!" at being asked to smile by the tree.

I sure don't know what I'm doing when it comes to parenting. I have laughed and cried at today. I have been encouraged and humbled (someone also called me ma'am-if that's not humbling I don't know what is!). So, onwards we go...and let's all pray the clock works!




***I often think in movie lines-guesses on which movie the title of this post is from??!***

Name This Blog!

I'm so limited with my technological skills that I can already hear my kids future selves moaning in embarassment! Haha. It's sad. But I did manage to make this baby look a little spiffier today. I also clicked on my blog so many times that I may have gone viral.

I think this baby needs a name. Along with my strong technological skills come just as strong blog naming skills. I'm open to any suggestions, I may never use them or get around to changing the name (or figuring out how for that matter) but let's have a little fun and see what we can come up with.

Some things to keep in mind while considering a new name. I'm a hipster...or wait...am I one if I self declare I'm one? The irony of it all is too much. I guess that's all there is to consider. Happy naming! There are no prizes either...unless you count life long blog shouts-out and props. To grasp the magnitude of that...I have one follower and no blog comments to date. BUT do keep in mind that I did go viral today, so that's actually a pretty cool prize.

It's all Grey...

Just not 50 shades of it, so don't go getting any ideas.

We spent most of the long weekend in Pinawa with Erich's family. It was good to be out of the city, but, as it almost always does when we were there, it rained. It wasn't so bad though, I got in a few movies and a little extra reading time. I spent a lot of time going through Aglaee Jacob's Digestive Health with Real Food. It's a great read as far as health/food books go-very thorough. Yet, it all leaves me feeling like I'm no further and no closer to a solution. There is so much symptom overlap. As I was saying...it's all grey. 

I'm told to try an alkalizing diet, while trying to eat a low FODMAP diet at the same time. It's almost impossible-there is so much overlap! I'm finding it incredibly difficult to know which one to be more diligent with. Beans are a no-no for FODMAP sufferers, yet meat is highly acidic. That leaves no protein...if you were to be diligent with both (I've still been eating meat). When trying to alkalize your body it's best to follow an 80/20 rule. What the heck does that look like?? 

So, what have I been doing?? I have had either a green juice or smoothie every morning. I am really enjoying this and after a week I am starting to notice more sustainable energy throughout my day (although I will take the option of a nap if possible). I have been trying to do more at home exercise...this has involved some Youtube videos, walks, a run and a bike ride this week. This one will be mentally harder to maintain. I can talk myself into and out of a lot, especially when I feel tired. It initially feels counter-intuitive to get my body moving when all I want to do is not move. It's also learning the fine balance of work vs rest.

I have also been avoiding the major FODMAP triggers like onions, garlic, asparagus, leeks, apples, mangoes and pears (to name some major former players in my diet). I think it's helping...when I compare this past to week to my initial elimination I am feeling significantly better. But I still don't know. I've had lots of 'cheats' and I have had lots of 'acidic' foods. I know I do better when someone tells me exactly what to do! I'm useless when left to my own devices!

I also run to my comforts when life gets hairy (or possibly when i'm left to my own devices:)). As it decided to do this Tuesday after the long weekend morning. It was a rough start after a great weekend. One of those kids are screaming, and/or having a meltdown so I have a tantrum too kind of morning. So naturally, after getting bleach on my two new favourite pieces of clothing I went and got an Americano with cream. It hit the spot that's for sure. I don't feel guilty about it-I just don't know if I'm causing major setbacks. We're back to the grey on that one. So, if someone could please just come and tell me exactly what to do...that'd be great. :)

Here we go...again

I am officially 4 weeks into my initial elimination. That's crazy! I thought I'd be feeling awesome and ready to reintroduce foods. Instead I'm not, so I cheated and ate a lot of crap this weekend. Oi. But oh did it ever feel good to eat food I love eating. I love eating. I love food. Had I felt better I would've loved that more. But I haven't yet. So I ate. And now tomorrow is a new week, a refreshed budget and a new plan.

This past Wednesday I met with my nutritionist again and we decided to scrap the old elimination. I was so relieved. Not only to be done with the restrictive eating but that she was willing to explore more options. Sometimes I find people can come from one school of thought and then you're hooped. So now I will still eliminate gluten, dairy, soy and refined sugars. That list at one point would've done me in, but now it's like freedom! I will also focus on getting lots of greens into my diet-to combat the fatigue i've been feeling. I realize I have two young children and that in itself is cause to be tired, but this is different. This is a more constant exhaustion. So I will eat a more alkalizing diet (again really focus on the greens) and I need to sweat more. Not just the nervous sweaty betty sweating I tend to do but real working my butt sweat. I work out at an amazing fitness place twice a week which has been awesome for myself on so many levels (but it's only twice/week). It has taken the mental pressure off working out for me which was and continues to be my biggest obstacle when left to my own devices. I am the strongest I have been ever in my life and that feels so good! But I'm still fighting fatigue and just feeling like my body hasn't been getting the nutrients I've been putting into it.

So I need to sweat for 30 minutes every 48 hours. I need to move. To tell my body that it needs to produce more mitochondria's (??I think??). This will help with my energy connectors. When my body is tired and I'm not moving as much those mitochondria's die off, I'm telling my body they are not needed. When I'm moving, and these babies are being produced then my body is producing more, energy is increased-connecting my systems better in my body. When my body is functioning on a basic energy level it can then do what it needs to do. That was the detailed, scientific description. If you need me to dumb it down for you I simply can not, it would beneath me to do so.

Moving, sweating and eating an alkalizing diet, with a big focus on greens is the next step. I feel a lot more motivated to try this route. Especially with it being spring, farmers markets are around the corner, juices and smoothies are easy to make as well as refreshing and energizing. I'm really hoping that this will address the root issue (fatigue) and that my body will respond positively. I'm still going to try and maintain a low FODMAP diet. I really don't want those to be trigger foods for me, but it is definitely still on my radar that they may be. So I'm putting my weekend waywardness behind me and starting afresh tomorrow.

What the FODMAP?

I have hesitated to post this week because I have changed up my elimination and I wanted to give it a few days to see if i'm on the right track. Remember a few posts back (i.e. the beginning of this blog) and I was on this crazy elimination diet where I could hardly eat anything? It turns out I was wrong...I could eat tons! Because now I can hardly eat anything! I'll explain that in more detail later.

Let's journey back together...two weeks in and I was seeing no digestive changes. I was actually having more digestive symptoms. Aside from feeling more stable (thank you sugar for making me a crazy lady...before! I'm totally fine now) nothing was different. I have been eating SO good, yet my body was like 'you are?'. So I started to do some research. This is an exhausting feat when you feel blah, and you have two kids. Life doesn't allot me the time to think a full thought these days, let alone research anything. So this did feel a bit tiring and time consuming. Anyways, my nutritionist had mentioned the word 'fodmap' in my meeting with her and something about not needing to eliminate those (whatever they were anyways), so I paid it no attention at the time. But since I wasn't feeling great and seeing no changes I looked into it. Well, it appears to be the closest thing to pinpointing what could be going on with me. I will post a link at the end of the article that will describe in greater detail what exactly FODMAPs are.

Anyways, long story short they are not a specific food group. It is essentially your bodies inability to absorb fructose in certain foods. Your small intestine doesn't really know what to do with said food and passes it along to the large intestine where the food ferments, causing gas etc. The foods have also leached water from the small intestine on their journey down causing (here we go...) watery, gross pooh's. So now you know too much about me. Which reminds me I should write an 'about me' bio so you know that there's more to me than just that. 

There is a list in this article of foods that are safe, foods to be careful with and foods to avoid. I was eating so many foods on the avoid list. Plus, having cleaned up all my other eating it made sense that I was feeling the way I was feeling. I started this past Tuesday. These past few days I have not had the same symptoms as before. However, I have been super tired this week (a new level of detox perhaps?), and I did treat myself to a little glass of wine last night. Which was amazing! Except for today when my body said 'no it wasn't'.

I'm hoping I'm on the right track. I have found myself more discouraged this week, even with this new found knowledge. There are a lot of safe foods that were on my original elimination (like nightshades) etc., so there are a lot of gray areas right now as to what I should and shouldn't be eating. I go back to see my nutritionist this week and I'm hoping for more clarity.

I struggle with the idea of doing this for a long time. I really hope to gain habits and skills that I will WANT to take with me beyond this. I trust that I will, it's just a matter of remaining committed to this journey and knowing that it is only for a time.

And I am eating eggs again...and potatoes. Holla! Breakfast is back on!

As promised, here is the article on FODMAPs

http://www.thepaleomom.com/2012/08/modifying-paleo-for-fodmap-intolerance.html

Have you seen my mojo?

I appear to have lost my mojo. For this danged diet. I definitely hit a wall this week. That should teach me for declaring how good things were going! I am still not having any food cravings and have noticed a stable mood. However, my digestion is still the pits. So now to dig a little deeper. Which makes an already daunting process that much more daunting. I feel like I'm in this for the long haul-if I said that before I was just being nice...assuming I'd be eating everything again come summer-ish. Now I feel like this could be fo'eva. I'm being dramatic, but it could be a lot more trial and error than I was hoping for. 

But, that's also OK. I'm in it now...taking 'the plunge' was so much easier and less scary than I thought it would be. I really don't give much thought to what I can't have, unless it's right in front of me. And more than that, I am able to process this out. I don't have to live with whatever ails me. I have the ability and means to seek out answers. So I am. I'm needing to 'speak' this out. To remind myself after a hard week that I am onto something, even if I don't yet know what that is. I have a couple ideas as to what it could be, but I will save that for another post.

So, no pictures today. I'm too tired and busy...I'm making food for a weekend away at a retreat. Where everyone else will be having good delicious snacks and food. This will be an ultimate test to my will! Which is weak at best:). So if you think of it, send some prayers or good vibes my way!

Week One: Done!

I am officially a week deep and to be honest it is going a lot better than I thought. I've never done anything this challenging before. Yet at the same time I'm feeling good. I'm not fighting my body if that makes sense? I'm not fighting cravings or even mood swings. I feel very steady...which for that to be so noticeable probably means I wasn't the steadfast rock that I thought myself to be. Haha haaaaa.

I have actually enjoyed my time in the kitchen trying a few things out this week. I often find myself pulling back from the internets and all the opinions that ensue, but in this instance I am so thankful for the people who think up crazy recipes and then put them on pinterest. Also so thankful for friends who are walking the same path and can pass their wisdoms onto me. A couple interesting things I've tried this week are 'faux'tmeal (fake oatmeal made from acorn squash, shredded coconut and coconut milk), and' no-mato' sauce (tomato free tomato sauce). I think I might like the names more than the actual foods but I'm enjoying the creativity and options that are out there.

On Wednesday I went to our local natural meats store and stocked up on some good meats, which naturally means bacon. So breakfasts have been a light in my life again. It's hard to not eat typical breakfast foods or breakfast. Or to have coffee. Have I mentioned that already?? I love having a cup of coffee in the morning.  I found the weekend to be tough for that. However, a dandy cup of dandy blend is not the worst thing.

Two things have stuck out to me so far. One is how many times in a day I will pop something into my mouth because it is in front of me. The amount of times I've almost done this is staggering. The second thing is hunger. We do not let ourselves feel it. The idea of this 'diet' is in no way to starve myself. But part of it is to eat in one sitting and not graze all day, as to let my digestion take a break at times. Plus, with less carbs in my diet i'm finding hunger hits sooner after a meal. It's an uncomfortable feeling that maybe I have been almost afraid of before. And one that I can see I'm unintentionally passing down to my kids. It's something to press into and think more about that's for sure.

On a different note, this past week I've been reading various people's food journey stories. I love hearing the stories of how people get to where they are and why. So I was thinking it might be fun to do a post on my food 'journey', AKA the reason i'm in this hot mess. Jk, not so dramatic, but it could be interesting to see what unfolds as I look back.

Time to slave over some plantains that I will undoubtedly eat in about 5 minutes. Stayed tuned for a post and pics on some of the goodness that I have been eating.

Day 2

I'm two days in. Here's what i'm noticing so far. This is not my favourite thing to do! Day one sucked. Day two sucked even worse. That's only partially true. Day one is day one. The first day. Anything is doable the first time around. You don't know what to expect and you just do it. Day two on the other hand. That solidifies things a bit more. You are now in it. The words quit and cheat wafted through my head quite a bit today. Yet, since i'm feeling 'in it' now I've decided I want to do this well. I only want to do something this extreme once. There will never be a good time either. And since I'm in it, I'm committed. That also kind of makes me want to weep. I'm so uninspired in the kitchen and I feel like I'm out of ideas already. Ha ha. There is a groove I have yet to find. I also need to find my papers that tell me what I can and can't eat...those might come in handy. Especially since I had like 10 pieces of watermelon last night and I don't even know if I can have it or not. I meant to check today but can't find those papers anywhere. Always err on the side of caution I did not say last night.

There is a lot of thought and prep that goes into this. With two young kids that adds a whole other dimension. It is a ton easier when we can all eat the same things, and we usually did. I'm finding breakfasts and lunch tough. Dinner is dinner...it's easy to eat meat and veggies for dinner. Less so for breakfast. And snacks. It took me 40 minutes to make a snack this evening. It never used to take me that long to open up a bag of chips!

Here's the worst. Dandy Blend. Instead of my beloved aero-pressed coffee. Dandy Blend is fine if you want to drink a cup of dandy blend. But it's not coffee. It's just not. Here it is looking so deceiving.

It's only day two. I'm in the thick of withdrawals. Yet, in the midst of those withdrawals was a beautiful (almost) hot day out! We got a last minute invite to eat lunch at a friends place and dinner at another's. It was more than I knew I needed today. And despite some (a lot) of tiredness and a bit (a ton) of irritability my body is feeling good. So here's hoping we're on to something:)

So it Begins...

I am just a night's sleep away from starting this crazy huge food elimination diet. It's a 30 day elimination, which will proceed for months beyond the initial 30 days as I reintroduce foods back into my diet. It feels daunting and overwhelming. I have never denied myself much (I generally eat well and would consider myself to be a healthy person) but this girl can justify just about anything. For instance today alone I've had 2 cups of coffee, cake, ice-cream, wine, chips,  pretzels and chocolate. All in the name of deprivation tomorrow of course. That being said, I may lack discipline. 

That's where this blog comes in! I'm hoping that writing will help to not only hold me accountable but to see the humour on those days when I'll be tempted to rip my face off from frustration and limitation. This and mentally telling myself every day that I am doing a good thing for my body. Healing my digestion (which has had me not feeling great, tired and not digesting food well for awhile now). Short term (?) pain for long term gain (?). I don't think I'm convinced yet. But I'm trusting that I will be and that I will feel better. That I will have rocking rock solid two's and that I will have energy for my kids, who tend to suck it for them tiny selves.

This elimination is a paleo diet on steroids (an autoimmune paleo elimination). I do not have an autoimmune disease-the purpose is to eliminate everything the first time around, pay attention to your body, heal your digestion and figure out how foods affect you. So I will be eating good quality meats, cooked veggies, most fruits, good fats and white rice. My first fail has already happened when I went to buy white rice-and bought Calrose rice. What the H is that? In not my defence it was clearly labelled. It also has corn syrup in it. So fail one, on day negative one.  

So here goes...after I finish eating my Lindt dark chocolate easter chocolates. I would hate for them to tempt me tomorrow.